Sporatic Ramblings

-Whimper.- My body seems to be rebelling against my brain.

And I want more sleep damnit!

T___T:

This is getting ridiculous; why does my mind not want to shut off at four-thirty in the bloody morning? Two hours rolling around is not my definition of fun in any stretch of the word.

Oh well, at least I get to help out with the anatomy lab for Linda Carson. I'm so excited! Yay for sketching cadavers! Does that make me weird? Pbbt, obvious question with an obvious answer but I still enjoy asking it XD

Hnn, I wonder if I should find a quick recipe for tonight...

I've not updated this thing in forever x__X:

I have this urge to do a webcomic again..bloody hell, why can't I just work on the ones that I've already started?!

I swear I'm such a control freak; the poor guys over at the copy centre must think I'm nuts for going back three times and constantly checking up on what they are doing with the Children's Book a partner and myself are trying to create. Three times! Mind you I it was for three different solutions every single time, but still. I do want the current project I'm working on to look good; there's nothing wrong with that right?

And the layout of the book is important, I don't want some of the letters cut off because I forgot to add in a stupid boarder, although it is probably better that the rings are along the top now which is good n__n

Here's the first page if anyone is interested:

I should be working on my essay but I'm nooot; and I was able to sneak my laptop into where I work and chat all I want! MWAHAHAHAHA! I feel so evil right now XD Or perhaps it is due to lack of sleep and stress; I'm vouching for the latter.

But seriously, what is it about essay writing that I find so bloody difficult, it's so annoying T__T:

***Warning, this is a personal rant.***

I've always admired people who can be honest; brutally honest is fine as long as they are honest about everything. Antics was reviewed today and although most of critiques were honest; it was the nasty kind, the one that elicits negative humour. God forbid a reviewer may have significant constructive criticism in their review rather then a rash outburst towards a 'target' who of course is meant to have holes gouged through it.

I can appreciate humour, but have told I cannot take a joke when it is aimed at something either at me or what/who I hold dear. I guess this is true and I'm only starting to realize it even in my twenties because it still hurts even though I've been told all my life to 'not take things personally.' That whole concept is crap; I mean everything that someone does is subjective to THEM; sure one can try to look at the world objectively but really the only one who can honestly do that is the one who is omnipotent; and I have yet to meet a human that can fill such an outrageous claim. Some can see farther then others; but all of it? I doubt that so much. So no, I reject that I'm the one who should not take it personally even though the two reviewers are the ones who are showcasing THEIR personal (ie, subjective) opinions on a willing creator and seem to be able to cry 'immunity!' whenever one may or may not try to oppose their opinion.

Or at least that is what they appear to be implying by saying 'I'm glad you realize that our opinions are not personal.' My big lily white ass they are not personal; they are your opinions for goodness sake!

That being said, I will take it personally that you use my comic that I worked pretty hard on as a spring board for your own critical cruelty. I honestly just wanted some constructive criticism and perhaps a bit of humourous shreddage; but to simply call everything utter crap is just..disappointing. I was hoping for brutal honesty, not  a twisted truth.

Alright so I update QS so the site actually appears half decent now which is a relief and what do I do? I want to overhaul Antics of course! Mind you it has needed an update for a while now; but why do I do this to myself? Because I love pulling my hair out apparently.

Keyaah, who knew that creating boarders around text was so difficult.

You know what I hate more then anything? The sense of being completely and utterly unwanted.

They sound so happy to be a part of something; it could be as a half of a whole or if it's just two in harmony.

I'm leaning toward the latter though..it makes sense, I mean we are all individuals and I've never really given into the idea of needing someone. I mean if I needed someone that badly; that implies that I could not exist without them. Rarely the case; at least I have never encountered it in real life even though romance novels love to drivel right into need and how some individuals are necessary for the very existence of another.

Don't get me wrong; I know that humans in general want some sort of human connection to have more then some sort of half existence on this Earth. However, they do not need it. They need food/water, and shelter to pretty much exist and survive. To progress beyond anything other then our instinctive roots, we need to push a bit more. It's this..want for human connection and community that we have that makes us what we are and what defines us as individuals (or who we are as an individual.)

This is a completely subjective analysis to be honest; I don't think I need anyone to survive. However, I look at the people around me in relationships..and I want that internal connection with another person and I envy others that acquire such profound beauty.

Neither do I wish to just have a relationship for a relationship's sake, I find it fake and dishonest to the other involved.

Passively looking for it has not seemed to work, nor does actively going up to the person that you have affections for, and telling them to their face that you honestly care for them.

Hopefully one of these days I get it right.

Yeah, I'm STILL trying to fix up the QS site so it appears half decent. Thankfully the link, archive and about page are now up and running and I'm working on the Contact page so that should be appearing soon as well. It's not a huge bunch but at least it is starting up.

OH! And I have to start working on the Antics updates too. 0/5 complete.

I lie so easily, it scares me.

I stole the pug! And the spot near the plug and there's NOTHING HE CAN DO ABOUT IT! Victory is mine! Mwhahaha! Yeah so I'm petty, I get it and yes I know it is bad but it feel so SWEET XD Kay, done being a goomba now.

I've got all these ideas for so many comics, but none of them relate to another and I have NO will to keep on updating QS for some reason. It's not my space anymore, I set up a pretense and don't like it. Grrr. I guess I'll just have to reclaim it by doing my own thing, however I want. Because it's suppose to be however I wish it right? -Teehee.- What a great feeling, just go, WHATEVER! And do what I feel like, as long as I do something right?

I've drawn a couple of different sketches so I guess I can just add them into QS, or at least try to assimilate them into something, perhaps post it on DA. We shall see n__n

is a bum, a really really really big bum that I'm tired of having to dance around.

Well, Antics and QS are fully updated which is good and I just have a bit of homework that I can put off which is kinda nice. Although french does call to me considering that it's due today. Thankfully nothing major though.

Neyaaah, I wanna go see Indiana Jones today; why does my extracurricular stuff always get in the way T__T:

It's nice to be able to say I am ferkin' DONE. At least for this week; a french test is coming up and I'm so worried about it considering how bad I am at the language. Why do I torment myself? It's like I have nothing better to do.

Oh well, nothing that a little studying won't help.

This is just frustrating the hell out of me! I'm tired of it yet I can't seem to put it down and do stuff that -- ya know -- I should be actually doing! How bloody F***ing annoying~

That's IT! -Shuts down her internet.-

It's so awkward to feel like you're learning something for the first time; or at least not be able to be efficient at it at all when it's so natural for others. Others who have the ability to pick up languages like it's nothing are amazing to me; mind you I've never really been one to follow rules to their fullest extent. Perhaps that's why I've never been particularly good at other languages or mathematics for that same reason but still; others that can do this are incredible.

The best though, is those that govern the rules and create their own; I think that's something that I'd love to be. To be able to create their own reality to the point where it influences others and what they follow. Something that others can manipulate to their own whim if they wish or interpret in their own way. Perhaps I should try to do that with what I know best; and what I understand to be my one true talent. The ability to transcribe what I can see down in two dimensional form.  To create something not revolutionary or new; hell I don't even need it to be completely original. Just a combination of thoughts that represents a set of rules to live by; something I understand and start from scratch, even if I build it with pieces from other peoples' ideas.

I think, it would be amazing to be able to accomplish something like that. I hope I'm able to do such a thing in a lifetime.

The site looks half decent now, I just have to set up the rest of the page content and I think I'm good.

I'm happy with how most of it is looking, QS's rated MA just for the nude running around in every panel. XD

There; I said it. I've been fiddling with this stupid simplistic layout and I swear I'm going to go stark raving MAD in 30 minutes or less. At least there is a bit of progress but OH MY GOD it's so annoying!

This week seems to be eating my energy alive; I feel like a ferkin' slug. Blargh. Need to update twice today too before I head off to bed even though it's only 7-ferkin'-30 in the evening. It also annoys me that I can go onto a community that I've been on for more then three years, ask for something politely and then get NO response what-so-ever. It's depressing!

Oh well, I'll just come up with a couple of updates myself and hopefully that will tide Antics over until the authoress gets her butt into gear and gets the story meated together. I don't blame her though, her new job sounds tough considering how many hours she puts into it.

And now, OFF TO CONQUER THE BEDROOM!

-Charges.-